Memories...

Wondering about the past is a deadly enemy. At least with the future you can change the path you are on. I just wish someone could invent something to erase the thoughts that delay your present status.

Sometimes I find myself daydreaming. Ya know, wishing for what could have been. It's quite irritating if you ask me. Since I have so many children it's not like I have much time to think. I just think about I can't have any more children. This is probably the main reason I have so many self-adopted.

I often think about where my ex and I would be if we had one. Our did not make it. I think it would have made a huge difference. People say it would have made the divorce worse. I say there would be no divorce. Both of us were determined single parents when we met.

Needless to say, he still thinks his way and I still think mine. I still like to talk and he still likes to...well...whatever. I miss certain qualities that he had. I can't find them in anyone else. You have a tendency to look too hard sometimes ya know?

I moved away so I could get re-focused after we were divorced. That was many years ago. It was the best decision I have ever made. There was no one to please but myself. I didn't have to keep up with some long, drawn out scheme to impress anyone anymore. Sometimes you just have to pack up and move. You always dream of the person you love loving you back.

There's nothing worse than humiliation, except ego. Sometimes peoples ego just shut out other people. They forget the little things in life that make other people happy. I just need to walk holding hands. I guess I will continue to look for someone who likes the same. There is no expectations, just free will of putting your hand in mine.

When you raise someone else's children for many years, the memories will continue to haunt you for a very long time. It is such a shame that the world is such an angry place. The law doesn't care how much you love children. The only thing they care about is if you are biological or not. If the parents cared, the children will still love each other.

These are hard lessons learn from life's experiences! The hardest part is believing that you will find someone who loves ALL of you. Some only succeed in this when they have found life in the heavens.

I continue to seach for a place to drop my memories off. There is a crater somewhere that can hold them.